A woman seeking advice on whether a financial wedding gift was too generous has sparked debate online, after revealing her decision to give more than \$600 to a relative whose wedding she can no longer attend.
In a recent post on the U.K.-based Mumsnet forum, the woman explained that she and her family had planned to travel 200 miles to attend a weekday wedding but were forced to cancel due to a scheduling conflict. Her two-year-old child now has a medical appointment on the same day, meaning the family will no longer be able to make the trip.
The woman shared that she and her husband had already booked time off work and secured a hotel room for the night before the wedding. Despite not attending, they still wanted to send a financial gift to the couple and asked other users whether offering more than \$600 would be a “reasonable” amount. She believed this figure would both cover the cost of their absence and provide a generous gift.
The concern partly stemmed from information shared by her mother, who revealed that the cost per guest at the wedding would be around \$169. The woman also questioned whether she needed to cover the cost of her child’s absence, even though the toddler would not have received a full-priced meal.
“We are not especially close to the relative and might see them once a year at a family event,” she noted. While they exchange occasional greetings, such as birthday or New Year messages, the relationship remains distant. However, she clarified that they are still closely related — likely within the range of aunt, uncle, or first cousin.
Responses to the post largely suggested that the proposed amount was excessive. One user commented, “That is an insanely large amount. Wedding gifts are not based on how much the couple are paying for their wedding. That’s an incredibly crass and unpleasant way to decide how much you are giving as a gift.”
Another forum member added that a gift of around \$60 would be more appropriate and pointed out that the wedding hosts would likely have no issue finding someone else to fill the empty seats. “That’s nuts,” they wrote. “They’ve probably got someone else who can fill your place.”
The post ignited a broader conversation about social expectations around wedding gifting, particularly in situations where guests are unable to attend. While some users praised the woman for her thoughtfulness, most agreed that the emotional closeness of the relationship — rather than the cost of the event — should guide the value of any gift.
